Life is too short so remember to love yourself.
That was my focus for today's yoga session. I'm learning to love myself again. I've been incredibly hard on myself for years and years. Not just emotionally but physically too. First of all, I haven't loved myself in a long time. Part of that is because I just don't know myself. That in itself is a huge process. But in the process of finding who I am again I need to remind myself to be kind. Be kind to myself. Be kind to others. I don't know their journey and they don't always know mine.
Physically I am trying to be kinder to my body too. I'm trying to listen to when it tells me it hurts and why it hurts. I have terrible back pain. It's a relatively new thing in the last couple years. I've always just pushed through this pain. Ignored it and hoped it would go away. It hasn't. And likely, it won't. I'm using yoga to strengthen my mind and my body. Hopefully I can listen to what my body has to tell me and learn to love it for what it does allow me to do. I can walk, hike, bike, swim and most of the time run. My body is amazing. Not everyone has a body that can do all the things mine can. I'm learning to be grateful for the things I have and not wish for things to be different. Some things just have to be accepted. I wasn't gifted with a body that can do extraordinary things like some athletes. But what I can do might be considered extraordinary to others. And I am thankful for that. I know this sounds a bit cheesy but I am really trying to find happiness in what I was given in life, what I have, and not worry about what I don't have. Some of those things that I don't have I can work towards, strength of mind and body. But some of those things, like running a 5min mile or rocket science, are just out of my reach. And I'm ok with that. I'm learning to accept me for me. I'm certainly going to press against my boundaries to see how far I can go physically, emotionally and mentally. But I'm going to be ok with me. Because life is too short to not love yourself.
Friday, May 24, 2019
Thursday, May 23, 2019
One step forward
One step forward may sometimes lead to a couple steps backwards. And that's ok. This week I repeated or missed a couple of my yoga workouts. I repeated day1 so that my sister and I would be starting this 30day yoga journey together. I missed day3 because yesterday was an incredibly busy day. Closing one chapter of my life and preparing to start a new one. Also, we were celebrating my sister's birthday with the family. It's always nice to spend time with my family. They are full of love and support. My life is a bit adrift right now and I'm not entirely certain which direction I am heading. But getting my yoga time in today was wonderful. I also spent part of today out on my bike in the sunshine and fresh air. I'm making more of an effort to take care of the physical me but I need to remember to take care of the emotional/mental side of me. It isn't easy. My heart hurts a lot lately. I am looking into joining a grief counseling group. Valkyrie passed away on December 21, 2018 and she left the biggest hole in my heart. I cry daily. I am doing my best to find out who I am without her and I think that a grief group might just help me on that path. My path isn't a straight line and will definitely be steps forward as well as a few steps backwards. In the end, if I'm making forward progress, I am going to count that as a win. Today's yoga was about stretching. Physically stretching the muscles but also about stretching the mental muscles. Right now that touches me to the core. I need to focus my mind and calm my heart. I'm thinking of big life changes. I need to find peace first before I change anything else right now. I need to find me again. Maybe this journey to finding myself again will help in my life changes I am considering. I was so much a part of Valkyrie that I really have no idea who I am without her. And I can't leave out the part where I just ended a nearly 8year relationship with someone I still love. I may love him but I just don't think that we were good together anymore. My heart aches not just for me but so much for him. I hope that he can find some peace and happiness eventually. I hope we can both stretch our minds and our hearts and find peace again.
Saturday, May 18, 2019
I choose happiness.
I choose happiness.
Usually when planning to start a new diet or exercise regime I wait until the start of the week or the beginning of a new month. I'm not waiting anymore. I am choosing happiness. Today. Right now. No need to wait for the "perfect" moment.
I'm going to let go of the negatives and move forward with the positives. I'm going to find my inner happiness again. I'm going to do my best. Every day. Of course there will be moments I falter but I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and choose happiness.
I'm using a yoga video through youtube to help me move forward on my happiness journey.
While doing my yoga today, I kept repeating to myself, "I choose happiness." During my warrior two pose I opened my eyes and there on my wall was a framed collage of Valkyrie that my friend Maggie made for me. The frame says "Live well, Laugh often, Love much." It was perfect. The whole scenario brought a huge smile to my face. Peace in my heart.
This journey to happiness isn't going to be easy. It's likely going to be filled with tears since I am filled with tears. But I'm going to take one step at a time towards happiness. Starting today.
Usually when planning to start a new diet or exercise regime I wait until the start of the week or the beginning of a new month. I'm not waiting anymore. I am choosing happiness. Today. Right now. No need to wait for the "perfect" moment.
I'm going to let go of the negatives and move forward with the positives. I'm going to find my inner happiness again. I'm going to do my best. Every day. Of course there will be moments I falter but I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and choose happiness.
I'm using a yoga video through youtube to help me move forward on my happiness journey.
While doing my yoga today, I kept repeating to myself, "I choose happiness." During my warrior two pose I opened my eyes and there on my wall was a framed collage of Valkyrie that my friend Maggie made for me. The frame says "Live well, Laugh often, Love much." It was perfect. The whole scenario brought a huge smile to my face. Peace in my heart.
This journey to happiness isn't going to be easy. It's likely going to be filled with tears since I am filled with tears. But I'm going to take one step at a time towards happiness. Starting today.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Wordless Wednesday: making a come back.
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| Choosing the right photo for the come back. Obvious choice: me and my Valkyrie girl. |
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wordless Wednesday- Relay for Life
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| Mom supporting the pink ribbon- 20yr breast cancer survivor! |
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| Dad supporting the blue ribbon- 1yr intestinal cancer survivor! |
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The skinny.
Most of you have no idea what I look like- which is just fine by me. But growing up I was always the short thin athletic one. I guess I always assumed that this would be fact. After college I really let my activity level drop. It happens. I still hiked with the dogs and did some bicycling but nothing major. One year ago I weighed 123 pounds. I realize that I was recovering from two major surgeries right on top of one another and that I may have lost weight in the months previous from those ordeals.
In early April I got on a scale and was horrified. Absolutely embarrassed with myself. I knew my body was changing and I wasn't happy with it but I hadn't realized that the number on the scale was going to be so frightening. 150. I had gained 27pounds in less than a year. I could attribute this weight gain to lots of little things- being comfortable in a relationship, not being as active as I used to be or making a real dinner every day since my boyfriend lives with me. But I really didn't think those things added up to 27.
I decided to go to the doctor to see if it was something medical causing my weight gain. Thyroid conditions run in my family. Maybe my thyroid was out of control and making me gain weight. My doctor noticed that I did indeed have an enlarged thyroid and sent me to get an ultra sound and some blood work. The results came in: I am perfectly healthy. I still find it odd that I do have an enlarged thyroid and am healthy but it is possible.
So when my work announced that they were doing a biggest loser competition I decided to join. I needed something to motivate me to lose all this extra baggage. The competition started May 14th and I weighed in at 150.2 pounds.
I decided to change up my lifestyle a bit. Nothing too drastic but definitely changed. I joined a website- everydayhealth so that I could monitor my calorie intake as well as my calories burned. Oh goodness! When I first joined I didn't have a plan to count calories. I figured that I would just increase my exercise and leave my diet alone. I was taking in nearly 2300calories a day and only burning about 300. I am not an exercise/weight loss genius here but I knew that couldn't be good. So I decided that until I get to my target weight(120 pounds is what I have it set at but the number isn't magic. I think it's more about how I feel looking at myself. If I like the way I look at 130 then I will maintain it. I would just like to be in a healthy weight range again.) I am going to account for everything that I put into my mouth. I have managed to bring my calorie intake down to about 1300calories a day. I thought I'd be hungry ALL THE TIME. But really, I'm not. I have chosen to take in healthy filling calories instead of empty ones. The only thing I really really miss is chocolate. So I allow myself to cheat once in a while. I figure that if I don't allow myself chocolate at all, ever, then I am always going to crave it and it will eventually be my downfall. Willpower is something I never thought I had much of. I am proving myself so wrong right now.
Portion control. I never paid much attention to the amount of food I ate. The portions I was eating before were often double and sometimes triple the normal size portion. I spent a little extra money and separated all my snack foods into portion sized bags. It's amusing because right next to my little portion bags are my boyfriends portion bags. His portions are triple the recommended serving size or more. He works manual labor and burns a ton of calories a day and needs to take in extra calories just to maintain his weight.
Exercise. Valkyrie is LOVING the new exercise plan. I take her for more walks than before and we are going out for longer periods of time. This is the perfect time of year for me to start losing weight. The weather is perfect for hiking with Valkyrie. I plan on getting a bike so that I can take Valkyrie biking with me. She enjoys running and I am not yet ready to start jogging. Hopefully in the next couple months I will feel physically ready for jogging... But not yet. I started going to the community center gym with my mother. I mostly use the elliptical but sometimes use the stationary bike. I push myself hard to do it and it does feel good. I also got a few workout videos to do at home(Jillian Micheals) for the days I can't find the time or energy to leave the house. My sister and I just signed up for a zumba class and I am ridiculously excited for those to start in a couple weeks.
So the results are in. With just a few adjustments to my lifestyle I am losing weight and feeling good.
May 14- 150.2
May 24- 143.2
May 28- 141.0
June 4- 139.0
I still have a long way to go to feel comfortable in my own skin again. But I am proud of myself and so much happier overall with the way my life is heading. I only need to lose another 4pounds(before August!) in order to have lost the 10% required to win the biggest prize for my works biggest loser competition. I definitely think this is doable. I am awesome.
In early April I got on a scale and was horrified. Absolutely embarrassed with myself. I knew my body was changing and I wasn't happy with it but I hadn't realized that the number on the scale was going to be so frightening. 150. I had gained 27pounds in less than a year. I could attribute this weight gain to lots of little things- being comfortable in a relationship, not being as active as I used to be or making a real dinner every day since my boyfriend lives with me. But I really didn't think those things added up to 27.
I decided to go to the doctor to see if it was something medical causing my weight gain. Thyroid conditions run in my family. Maybe my thyroid was out of control and making me gain weight. My doctor noticed that I did indeed have an enlarged thyroid and sent me to get an ultra sound and some blood work. The results came in: I am perfectly healthy. I still find it odd that I do have an enlarged thyroid and am healthy but it is possible.
So when my work announced that they were doing a biggest loser competition I decided to join. I needed something to motivate me to lose all this extra baggage. The competition started May 14th and I weighed in at 150.2 pounds.
I decided to change up my lifestyle a bit. Nothing too drastic but definitely changed. I joined a website- everydayhealth so that I could monitor my calorie intake as well as my calories burned. Oh goodness! When I first joined I didn't have a plan to count calories. I figured that I would just increase my exercise and leave my diet alone. I was taking in nearly 2300calories a day and only burning about 300. I am not an exercise/weight loss genius here but I knew that couldn't be good. So I decided that until I get to my target weight(120 pounds is what I have it set at but the number isn't magic. I think it's more about how I feel looking at myself. If I like the way I look at 130 then I will maintain it. I would just like to be in a healthy weight range again.) I am going to account for everything that I put into my mouth. I have managed to bring my calorie intake down to about 1300calories a day. I thought I'd be hungry ALL THE TIME. But really, I'm not. I have chosen to take in healthy filling calories instead of empty ones. The only thing I really really miss is chocolate. So I allow myself to cheat once in a while. I figure that if I don't allow myself chocolate at all, ever, then I am always going to crave it and it will eventually be my downfall. Willpower is something I never thought I had much of. I am proving myself so wrong right now.
Portion control. I never paid much attention to the amount of food I ate. The portions I was eating before were often double and sometimes triple the normal size portion. I spent a little extra money and separated all my snack foods into portion sized bags. It's amusing because right next to my little portion bags are my boyfriends portion bags. His portions are triple the recommended serving size or more. He works manual labor and burns a ton of calories a day and needs to take in extra calories just to maintain his weight.
Exercise. Valkyrie is LOVING the new exercise plan. I take her for more walks than before and we are going out for longer periods of time. This is the perfect time of year for me to start losing weight. The weather is perfect for hiking with Valkyrie. I plan on getting a bike so that I can take Valkyrie biking with me. She enjoys running and I am not yet ready to start jogging. Hopefully in the next couple months I will feel physically ready for jogging... But not yet. I started going to the community center gym with my mother. I mostly use the elliptical but sometimes use the stationary bike. I push myself hard to do it and it does feel good. I also got a few workout videos to do at home(Jillian Micheals) for the days I can't find the time or energy to leave the house. My sister and I just signed up for a zumba class and I am ridiculously excited for those to start in a couple weeks.
So the results are in. With just a few adjustments to my lifestyle I am losing weight and feeling good.
May 14- 150.2
May 24- 143.2
May 28- 141.0
June 4- 139.0
I still have a long way to go to feel comfortable in my own skin again. But I am proud of myself and so much happier overall with the way my life is heading. I only need to lose another 4pounds(before August!) in order to have lost the 10% required to win the biggest prize for my works biggest loser competition. I definitely think this is doable. I am awesome.
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