Life is too short

Life is too short so remember to love yourself.
That was my focus for today's yoga session. I'm learning to love myself again. I've been incredibly hard on myself for years and years. Not just emotionally but physically too. First of all, I haven't loved myself in a long time. Part of that is because I just don't know myself. That in itself is a huge process. But in the process of finding who I am again I need to remind myself to be kind. Be kind to myself. Be kind to others. I don't know their journey and they don't always know mine.
Physically I am trying to be kinder to my body too. I'm trying to listen to when it tells me it hurts and why it hurts. I have terrible back pain. It's a relatively new thing in the last couple years. I've always just pushed through this pain. Ignored it and hoped it would go away. It hasn't. And likely, it won't. I'm using yoga to strengthen my mind and my body. Hopefully I can listen to what my body has to tell me and learn to love it for what it does allow me to do. I can walk, hike, bike, swim and most of the time run. My body is amazing. Not everyone has a body that can do all the things mine can. I'm learning to be grateful for the things I have and not wish for things to be different. Some things just have to be accepted. I wasn't gifted with a body that can do extraordinary things like some athletes. But what I can do might be considered extraordinary to others. And I am thankful for that. I know this sounds a bit cheesy but I am really trying to find happiness in what I was given in life, what I have, and not worry about what I don't have. Some of those things that I don't have I can work towards, strength of mind and body. But some of those things, like running a 5min mile or rocket science, are just out of my reach. And I'm ok with that. I'm learning to accept me for me. I'm certainly going to press against my boundaries to see how far I can go physically, emotionally and mentally. But I'm going to be ok with me. Because life is too short to not love yourself.

One step forward

One step forward may sometimes lead to a couple steps backwards. And that's ok. This week I repeated or missed a couple of my yoga workouts. I repeated day1 so that my sister and I would be starting this 30day yoga journey together. I missed day3 because yesterday was an incredibly busy day. Closing one chapter of my life and preparing to start a new one. Also, we were celebrating my sister's birthday with the family. It's always nice to spend time with my family. They are full of love and support. My life is a bit adrift right now and I'm not entirely certain which direction I am heading. But getting my yoga time in today was wonderful. I also spent part of today out on my bike in the sunshine and fresh air. I'm making more of an effort to take care of the physical me but I need to remember to take care of the emotional/mental side of me. It isn't easy. My heart hurts a lot lately. I am looking into joining a grief counseling group. Valkyrie passed away on December 21, 2018 and she left the biggest hole in my heart. I cry daily. I am doing my best to find out who I am without her and I think that a grief group might just help me on that path. My path isn't a straight line and will definitely be steps forward as well as a few steps backwards. In the end, if I'm making forward progress, I am going to count that as a win. Today's yoga was about stretching. Physically stretching the muscles but also about stretching the mental muscles. Right now that touches me to the core. I need to focus my mind and calm my heart. I'm thinking of big life changes. I need to find peace first before I change anything else right now. I need to find me again. Maybe this journey to finding myself again will help in my life changes I am considering. I was so much a part of Valkyrie that I really have no idea who I am without her. And I can't leave out the part where I just ended a nearly 8year relationship with someone I still love. I may love him but I just don't think that we were good together anymore. My heart aches not just for me but so much for him. I hope that he can find some peace and happiness eventually. I hope we can both stretch our minds and our hearts and find peace again. 

I choose happiness.

I choose happiness.
Usually when planning to start a new diet or exercise regime I wait until the start of the week or the beginning of a new month. I'm not waiting anymore. I am choosing happiness. Today. Right now. No need to wait for the "perfect" moment.
I'm going to let go of the negatives and move forward with the positives. I'm going to find my inner happiness again. I'm going to do my best. Every day. Of course there will be moments I falter but I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and choose happiness.
I'm using a yoga video through youtube to help me move forward on my happiness journey.




While doing my yoga today, I kept repeating to myself, "I choose happiness." During my warrior two pose I opened my eyes and there on my wall was a framed collage of Valkyrie that my friend Maggie made for me. The frame says "Live well, Laugh often, Love much." It was perfect. The whole scenario brought a huge smile to my face. Peace in my heart.

This journey to happiness isn't going to be easy. It's likely going to be filled with tears since I am filled with tears. But I'm going to take one step at a time towards happiness. Starting today.